So bad, it's funny

You said you’d wait,
I guess it wasn’t a promise.

Volatility. Doubt. Fear.

The weight of this world is too much to bear for my shoulders.

I know

I can always count on you

Meh

How do I put this nicely? “Maybe not?” “How about something else?” “Nah, I’d prefer…”

“Hell to the no, bitch”

This blog

has three main purposes:

1. the reblogging of hipster-esque images (ah, I remember when adding “-esque” to the end of every adjective was hipster);
2. the (re)blogging of humorous matters;
3. the channeling of late-teenage angst, rage, emo outbursts and meaningless complaints.

Today it’s #3.

I feel like numbering everything in semi-chronological order today, so.

1. I’m so tired. My job is boring and well-paying. Should I leave it early?
2. Why is everyone applying for scholarships? Why is everyone applying for the scholarships I actually am considering?
3. Why does everyone want me to encourage/congratulate them about their university and scholarship placings, when it is clearly sadistic to ask that of me?
4. Update: My results were less than ideal. There. This shall be recorded on the internet for life for all to see.
5. I thought myself quite fine with my grades — I’m assured the opportunity of tertiary education, at least. I don’t think they reflected how hard I studied, my aptitude or my overall abilities well. But I still don’t feel less intelligent than those who fared much better. I’m not sure if this is pride or delusion or enlightenment.
6. But then again, everyone refers to my results as “like that ah”. I think it is quite sad that the people around me only see the negative. It seems that everything I have done or achieved is negligible because I didn’t get straight ‘A’s.
7. It seems unfair and insensitive that I have to encourage and congratulate the same people who look down on me because I have less than 4 ‘A’s.
8. My subject combination was tougher than the typically popular ‘A’-churning combinations despite the fewer number of subjects, you know? Of course, that’s not an excuse. But I’m just sayin’.
9. I do not know how to feel about the people mentioned in #7. It seems that even false empathy is expensive these days. Some friends turn out to be mere acquaintances (and some acquaintances, friends).
10. Although I’d hate to admit it, all the hype about university and scholarship applications is getting to me, and it is quite stressful to rush out essays for scholarships you don’t really know much about in 2 days.
11. With all this competition, the future seems bleak for someone who simply did not get straight ‘A’s. Where do the “defective” students go? Why is there no warranty for education?
12. From another perspective, some would tell me to quit complaining about having nothing because I actually can go to university when a lot of people don’t.
13. But life is not easy.
14. It is not easy to have wanted nothing, been encouraged for something, hoped for it, tried for it, had it for most of your life, and lose it at the most crucial moment.
15. It’s not easy to overcome your own expectations.